Potato Tales

    Translating novels one potato at a time.

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    The Secret Intelligence Division was located just outside the inner courtyard of Prince Huai’s estate, divided into three sections: the front, middle, and rear courtyards.

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    The front courtyard served as the administrative center, handling daily affairs. Those who came and went were mostly high-ranking officials, primarily in civil positions.

    The middle courtyard, more concealed, was used for interrogations, detainment, and secret agent assignments. The rear courtyard, the most secluded area, housed military intelligence archives and three large document repositories. In times of frequent warfare, this section acted as Old Prince Huai’s eyes and ears.

    However, ever since the debauched second-generation Zhu Zigui took power, the court had secretly taken over this division, turning it into a die-hard loyalist unit for the emperor.

    Secret agents were meant to be mobile—how could they gather intelligence if they remained cooped up in the prince’s estate all day?

    Thus, most agents were stationed outside, making this a formidable yet compact military force that operated on an elite basis. However, if direct armed conflict were to break out, this location would be relatively weak.

    Front Courtyard.

    A drop of black ink exploded in midair, transforming the surrounding scenery into an eerie ink-wash painting.

    “Swoosh!”

    A figure, completely enveloped in ink, materialized in the main hall of the front courtyard, standing behind Vice Commander Ding Hui.

    This man was none other than Prince Huai’s chief strategist—Li Yan.

    Ding Hui’s brows furrowed deeply as he glared at the sudden intruders, his voice hoarse:

    “Just you few… Haha! And you want to rebel?!”

    “You sound like a low-IQ villain when you laugh like that.”

    A voice rang out—Imperial Inspector Liu appeared beside Second Fool, holding a dust-covered jade seal in his right hand, his expression menacing:

    “Look at the situation. The past two days have taught me one thing—pick a side early.”

    “Tap, tap, tap!”

    Footsteps thundered from outside the courtyard.

    A large group of men, diverse in age and attire, surged in wielding an assortment of weapons.

    They numbered well over a hundred at a glance. Though dressed like common wandering martial artists or outlaws, their movements were strikingly professional.

    Upon entering the courtyard, they dispersed and took up defensive positions, sealing off the front courtyard entirely.

    “Who dares trespass into the Secret Intelligence Division?!”

    “Tap, tap!”

    Numerous black-clad agents from the front courtyard rushed out, armed with hand cannons1 and blades. But upon seeing the sheer number of intruders, some began to waver.

    “Loyalist of the Prince—Zhang Gui, leading all male members of my family, have arrived to bathe Qingliang Prefecture in blood for our young lord!”

    A voice thundered from within the outlaw ranks.

    An elderly man in his fifties surged forward, gripping a massive guandao.2 His movements appeared sluggish at first, but in the blink of an eye, he had already reached the main hall.

    “Swoosh!”

    “Splurt!”

    The gleaming guandao swept horizontally—a junior flag officer of the Secret Intelligence Division had barely turned around before his head was sent flying.

    Zhang Gui ignored the surrounding agents entirely. He reversed his grip, thrusting downward to split open the officer’s chest before flicking his blade upward again.

    “Drip, drip, drip…!”

    Blood cascaded like a waterfall, and the lifeless corpse was sent flying over ten feet into the air.

    As footsteps echoed, Zhang Gui’s two sons rushed forward to protect their father—one wielding a steel blade, the other gripping a woodcutter’s axe.

    His eldest son was sixteen or seventeen, while the younger was only fourteen or fifteen.

    Their entire family had come to fight to the death, not for wealth, not for power.

    The moment the Prince’s command was issued, Zhang Gui felt as if he had been transported back to the Southern Frontier, where Prince Zhu Kai’s war banners once billowed amid smoke and fire, ten thousand iron cavalry charging into the abyss of war.

    The years had passed, but the battle cries still echoed in his ears.

    That day, Wang Jingzhong had thrown himself onto the floor, smashing his skull open upon the Golden Hall, his blood dyeing the palace floors, yet never once showing fear.

    And now, Zhang Gui had brought his sons, clad in nothing but plain clothes, no armor, no standard-issue blades, only rusted and dust-covered farming tools, to kill—with not a hint of fear.

    “How many years has it been…? The old prince is gone, but the soldiers he led… still live!”

    Zhang Gui’s eyes burned, his blade raising a corpse into the air.

    “If our young lord commands us to kill, then we kill. If he commands us to fight, then we fight to the death!”

    “Loyalist of the Prince—Frontline Deputy General Lin Zifu, bringing six of my cousins to aid the battle!”

    “To hell with it! I should’ve died at the Battle of Zhoushan. Living till today is a win no matter what.”

    “…!”

    Zhang Gui’s actions instantly ignited the bloodlust of the battle-worn veterans, and furious shouts echoed throughout the entire Secret Intelligence Division.

    Ding Hui’s head buzzed as he swallowed hard, struggling to comprehend why the prince’s estate was suddenly flooded with so many armed ‘rebels.’

    Something felt very wrong.

    “Kneel!”

    Second Fool barked, gripping his blade.

    Ding Hui clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. “I kneel only to the imperial court. I kneel only to the Emperor.”

    “Swish!”

    As soon as he spoke, his adjutant instinctively reached for the signal arrow at his waist, preparing to call reinforcements from the Qingzhou Guard.

    “Whoosh!”

    A signal arrow shot skyward.

    “Snap!”

    Li Yan raised his hand, and countless droplets of ink coalesced in the air, instantly extinguishing the ascending signal.

    “…!”

    The adjutant froze, his body rigid. “You… you all…!”

    “Swish!”

    “Splurt!”

    Second Fool moved suddenly. His saber never visibly left its sheath, yet a streak of light flashed.

    A cold glint passed, and a thin red line appeared across the adjutant’s throat.

    “Thud!”

    He crashed to the ground, clutching his neck, his legs kicking wildly. Within moments, he stopped moving.

    Second Fool kept his blade in hand. “Kneel.”

    Ding Hui’s face turned deathly pale. His right hand hovered over his sword hilt, but he dared not draw it. “Qingliang Prefecture has the Qingzhou Five Guards, three battalions of troops—over ten thousand men…”

    “Splurt!”

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    Another flash of steel.

    The homing pigeon perched on Ding Hui’s right shoulder was sliced cleanly in half.

    Its blood splattered onto his cheek. The corpse fell in two pieces at his feet. Before Ding Hui could react, he felt an icy chill against his throat—the famed blade, Inviting Moon, was pressed against his skin.

    “Kneel!” Second Fool’s voice was as cold as a god of death.

    “Thud!”

    Ding Hui stopped resisting and knelt on the spot, his back straight. “…I…I don’t know…what orders do you, the Prince’s representatives, have for me?”

    He wasn’t being cowardly, nor was he betraying his loyalty—he simply had no choice.

    The reason was simple: the commander of the Secret Intelligence Division, Wu Asi (No. 11), was already dead in the princess’s tomb. The Qingzhou Guard’s Left Thousand-Household, Zhao Shen, had also fled, claiming to return to the court to report.

    All the bigwigs carrying the banner had fucking bolted, yet his family, friends, and relatives were all in Qingliang Prefecture.

    The men before him weren’t here for revenge, nor were they here for a simple fight. They were here to rebel.

    What did rebellion mean? It meant that if you weren’t on their side, you were dead. It meant no mercy.

    Second Fool, seeing him kneel, turned to Li Yan.

    “Where is Wu Asi?” Li Yan asked.

    “Dead. Killed in the tomb,” Ding Hui trembled as he replied.

    Hearing this, Li Yan immediately understood—Wu Asi was No. 11. After a brief pause, he asked, “Have you received any reports from those inside the tomb?”

    “I have. A horsekeeper from the military stables, a scholar from the archives, and Left Thousand-Household Zhao Shen along with his wife—all have returned to the capital to report directly to the Emperor,” Ding Hui answered without hesitation.

    Li Yan pondered for a moment. “Among the Qingzhou Guard’s Thousand-Household Commanders, how many can you contact?”

    “Two,” Ding Hui lowered his head.

    “Send word to them. Tell them that Qingliang Prefecture is in turmoil, and that Wu Asi left a secret letter instructing you to discuss the next steps with them.” Li Yan paused briefly. “I’ll give you half an hour. Those two must bring their most trusted men here.”

    Ding Hui knelt on the ground, swallowing nervously. “I’ll… I’ll try, Chief Historian…”

    “Slap!”

    Tang Feng smacked him across the face.

    “Bang!”

    Imperial Inspector Liu followed with a savage kick to his head. “What the hell do you mean, ‘try’?! You think this is some academic experiment?! Haven’t you figured it out yet? If they don’t come, I’ll kill you first, then bury your whole damn family.”

    “Y-yes! Right away!” Ding Hui nodded frantically.

    Although the ink barrier veiled the courtyard, some sunlight still seeped through. Li Yan disliked the scorching sun, so he remained inside the central hall, methodically issuing commands:

    “Zhang Gui, Lin Zifu, take your men and seize control of the three divisions of the Secret Intelligence Division. Bring all key personnel here. The rest of you, clean up the corpses and dump them in the central hall—make sure everything appears as usual.”

    “Yes!”

    “As you command!”

    “……!”

    The group responded in unison and swiftly began clearing the scene.

    Half an hour later, the sound of galloping hooves echoed as more than a dozen military officers arrived at the front courtyard of the Secret Intelligence Division.

    From the outside, everything appeared normal.

    A Thousand-Household Commander was the first to dismount, leading his men toward the courtyard.

    The moment he stepped inside, he halted abruptly, frowning. “I smell blood.”

    “My lord…!”

    Creak!

    Before the Hundred-Household officer beside him could finish speaking, the courtyard gate suddenly shut. From the front and rear courtyards, over a hundred men charged out.

    The Thousand-Household Commander’s pupils instantly dilated at the sight.

    Standing atop a high platform, Tang Feng furrowed his brows. “Please, Lord Thousand-Household Commander.”

    “……!”

    Fifteen minutes later, the Thousand-Household Commander, along with his accompanying officers and the Secret Intelligence Division’s key figures, knelt in the central hall.

    Li Yan, with his soul-like presence, sat in the high seat, hands clasped, and silent.

    Inside the hall, more than forty men knelt on the ground, heads bowed, their bodies trembling with weakness.

    After a brief silence, the Thousand-Household Commander, unable to endure the pressure, was the first to clasp his fists and declare, “Chief Historian… We are willing to fight for Prince Huai!”

    Before speaking, he had cast a murderous glare at Ding Hui, his resentment obvious.

    Even within the imperial faction, factions had their own dealings. He and Ding Hui had once been close allies, but at this critical moment, his so-called “friend” had betrayed him the most ruthlessly.

    Li Yan listened to the Thousand-Household Commander, then turned to Second Fool. “Did His Highness leave any specific instructions for you?”

    Second Fool hesitated briefly. “His Highness said… handle it at your discretion.”

    “The Prince’s dungeon is too small—we can’t fit all these people. What should we do? How should we exercise discretion?” Li Yan’s gaze was cold, his tone devoid of emotion.

    Had this been modern times, someone might have hesitated upon hearing these words.

    But unfortunately, Second Fool was not a modern man, nor did he concern himself with notions of civilization.

    He immediately understood what Li Yan meant.

    “Swish!”

    A blur of motion—Second Fool appeared before the Thousand-Household Commander and the others.

    Li Yan propped his cheek up with one hand, not bothering to look at the central hall.

    “Chief Historian, spare me! For the sake of—!” The Thousand-Household Commander attempted to plead for mercy while making a desperate move to resist.

    “Splat!”

    A single slash and a severed head flew.

    Blood splattered across the ground. The Thousand-Household Commander was dead on the spot.

    “Kill down to the Hundred-Household rank,” Second Fool ordered without hesitation.

    “Swish! Swish!”

    The Loyalists of the Prince raised their blades and swung—steel cut through flesh, and the sound of necks being severed echoed through the hall. The ground was now a river of blood.

    Li Yan, still resting his chin on his hand, spoke again. “Even killing down to the Hundred-Household rank, we still don’t have enough space.”

    Imperial Inspector Liu glanced at his old comrade and thought, Damn, you’re even more ruthless than me—and I’m the professional here.

    Second Fool waved his hand again. “Kill down to the Flag Officers.”

    The blades rose once more. Corpses piled up.

    Only then did Li Yan finally lift his gaze slightly. “Promote the Flag Officers to Thousand-Household, the Junior Flag Officers to Hundred-Household. Their entire families will be taken into the Prince’s custody as hostages.

    “If this rebellion succeeds, rewards will be given based on merit.

    “If it fails, we will all journey to the afterlife together!”

    Footnotes

    1. Houchong
    2. A type of Chinese polearm

    Military ranks:

    Junior Flag Officer – commands 10 soldiers
    Flag Officers – commands 50 soldiers
    Hundred Household Officers – commands 100 soldiers
    Thousand Household Officer/Commander – commands 1000 soldiers

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