Chapter 315: “Disaster Relief Porridge”

“What are you laughing at?”

The Third Prince looked utterly confused. Then, realizing his own tattered appearance, he understood. He did, after all, look rather… shabby.

So, he added, “Don’t be fooled by our ragged clothes. Our identities are far beyond what your county magistrate could ever hope to reach. Go summon him immediately—once he sees us, he will understand everything.”

The short guard, already struggling to hold in his laughter, nearly passed out from breathlessness as the Third Prince continued his dramatic gestures before him.

At that moment, the tall guard stepped in, positioning himself between the two. With a serious expression, he cupped his hands toward the Third Prince and said, “Sir, Magistrate Lei is currently at the marketplace distributing porridge to the refugees. He is unable to come personally to receive you.”

“How about you go there yourself instead?”

“This way, wouldn’t it serve as an excellent opportunity for a disguised inspection of the people’s hardships?”

The Third Prince paused before saying, “Fine, we’ll go ourselves. Which way to the marketplace?”

“Once you enter the city, go straight ahead. When you reach an intersection, turn right, then keep walking for about a hundred steps, and you’ll be there,” the tall guard explained seriously, pointing in the direction.

“Good. You’re a smart one.” The Third Prince patted the tall guard on the shoulder before beckoning to the Fifth Prince and Prince Royal. “Let’s go.”

Once they had walked some distance away, the short guard finally burst into laughter. “Old Zhang, you’re something else!”

“How do you manage to spout complete nonsense with such a straight face?”

The tall guard let out a wry smile. “Hell, you deal with enough lunatics, and you’ll understand.”

“There are only two ways to handle these types.”

“First, keep your distance. Stay far away, so no matter how crazy they get, it won’t affect you.”

“Second, when you can’t avoid them—like us—you just go along with whatever they say. Agree with them, play along, and steer them toward leaving on their own.”

The short guard smacked his lips in admiration. “Damn, just a few more years of experience, and you’re thinking on another level. I’ve learned something today.” Then he asked, “But what if they don’t leave no matter what?”

The tall guard patted the hilt of the saber at his waist. “Then we draw weapons and deal with them.”

…

In a large open space, a sea of heads bobbed as over a hundred refugees stood in long lines, eagerly awaiting the start of the porridge distribution.

At the very front, dozens of soldiers formed a human barrier, separating the county magistrate from the crowd of refugees behind them.

Bu County’s magistrate, surnamed Lei, was a rotund middle-aged man. Standing before several large wooden barrels, he held a massive wooden ladle in his hand. Clearing his throat, he addressed the gathered refugees.

“Fellow villagers! The late emperor fell victim to treacherous schemes, plunging Great Wu into turmoil and leaving countless citizens displaced.”

“Fortunately, the imperial court’s officials empathized with the people’s suffering. Civil and military officials alike tightened their belts, making sacrifices so that disaster relief funds could be spared—so that all of you may have a hot meal today!”

“Especially our Fifth Prince! He is truly a prince who cares for the nation and its people. When he learned that the relief funds were insufficient, he even sold several of his own private estates just so you could have an extra bowl of hot porridge.”

At this point, Magistrate Lei suddenly paused, assuming an expression of deep sorrow and compassion.

Beside him, his sharp-nosed, monkey-faced advisor knew it was time for his performance.

Stepping forward, he loudly proclaimed, “Villagers! Do you know? Our Magistrate Lei is truly an outstanding official! In order to gather donations from local merchants, he worked tirelessly day and night, pushing himself to the brink of exhaustion—his eyes so bloodshot he could barely see!”

“Don’t be fooled by his round belly! Don’t think he’s been eating well!”

“In truth, this is the result of overwork! When a person is weak, they tend to gain weight easily!”

“Fellow villagers, before Magistrate Lei begins distributing porridge, shall we all bow in gratitude to this benevolent official who loves his people like his own children?”

“YES!”

Scattered responses rang out from the crowd of refugees.

“Ayy!” Magistrate Lei waved his hand. “No need to kneel. A simple bow will suffice!”

The advisor nodded and led the crowd in cupping their hands and bowing toward Magistrate Lei.

A second later, the gathered refugees—following the advisor’s lead—repeated the gesture in unison.

Satisfied, Magistrate Lei waved his large ladle and solemnly declared, “Begin distributing the porridge!”

At his command, the soldiers blocking the way immediately stepped aside, allowing the refugees to approach one by one to receive their portion.

The watery porridge splashed into their bowls with a thin, soupy consistency. Seeing the “porridge” that was barely more than plain water, many refugees hesitated for a moment. But after that brief pause, they quickly murmured their thanks, cupped their bowls carefully, and moved aside to drink it in small sips.

Whether it was due to the heat or his own bloated physique, Magistrate Lei was soon drenched in sweat after just a few ladles of porridge.

Noticing this, his sharp-eyed advisor swiftly grabbed the wooden ladle from his hands and turned to the surrounding soldiers.

“Magistrate Lei has not had a proper meal or rest for days! Quickly, take him to the shaded pavilion to sit and recover.”

“Ayy! No! If I don’t personally distribute the porridge to the people, my heart won’t be at ease!”

“Let me do it! Let me do it!”

After a brief, exaggerated struggle over the ladle, Magistrate Lei was “escorted” by the soldiers to rest under the pavilion.

Naturally, the task of distributing the “clear porridge” then fell to the advisor.

At the very end of the line, the Third Prince and his group stood with rumbling stomachs. There were simply too many people ahead, and with soldiers maintaining order, they had no way of approaching the magistrate directly. So, they had no choice but to queue up like everyone else.

“Fifth Brother, this magistrate is singing your praises—he’s one of your people?” the Third Prince asked in a low voice.

The Fifth Prince scoffed. “You underestimate me, Third Brother. Someone like him? Not even worth my attention.”

“I’d say he’s just trying to show his loyalty to the court. After all, isn’t disaster relief under my jurisdiction? He flatters me like this hoping the words will reach my ears and earn him a promotion.”

“By the way, are you sure this magistrate even recognizes you?”

The Third Prince smiled and nodded. “To be honest, before setting out on this journey, I had my portrait sent to all the magistrates within a hundred-mile radius.”

“Didn’t expect it to come in handy now.”

Hearing this, the Fifth Prince clicked his tongue in amusement. “You really do think ahead, Third Brother.”

“Just average, just average. Can’t compare to you, Fifth Brother, putting everything on the line with such boldness,” the Third Prince replied.

The Fifth Prince knew his brother was being sarcastic, but he didn’t mind in the slightest. Instead, he playfully nudged Royal Prince Ye with his shoulder and said with a smirk, “If we’re talking about boldness, we have to look at our dear uncle here. The old warhorse still dreams of great conquests—almost had us all wiped out in one go…”